Last week I wrote about the importance of spaeking up. Two weeks before I wrote about 4 techniques to becoming a better listener. Today we will discuss the final step, cooperating. Once both parties have had ample time to speak, to listen and to make sure both are saying and hearing the same thing, it is time to come to an agreement. After all, the point of going through all of the above is to be able to move past it, not just to complain. Here are three important parts of cooperating that are necessary for success.
- Reach a middle ground. In most cases in which both parties are heard, none of them will get everything they want. This is part of negotiation. Be careful if one of the parties is always getting what they want. This is a sign of giving in from the other. This may seem kind and sacrificial, but in the long wrong it usually leads to resentment from one person while the other person has the impression that everything is just fine. Enabling one person to always get their way is not peace. Manipulating the conversation so that the same person is always right is not healthy either. Both need to give and take until reaching a concensus on next steps.
- Only commit to what you are willing to do. Saying yes to something you don’t intend to do is disrespectful to the other party. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Therefore, only say yes to what you know you will do.
- Follow through on your part of the commitment. Once both parties have agreed on something, each party must carry out what they said they were going to do. Nothing is more destructive to a cooperation than one of the two not doing their part. The next time the two parties need to reach an agreement there will be less trust, since one of the two has already proven otherwise.
Cooperating is a negotiating tactic. It is what helps us appreciate the differences among us and respect the opinions of others. In any kind of relationship, when we disagree, it is respectful and healthy to listen, to speak and to come to a conclusion both parties can live with in order to cooperate. These are skills that can improve as we practice them, each time becoming easier to do. I highly encourage the use of them. They have greatly helped Arturo and I in our 36 years of marriage.