I was in a fitting room the other day and witnessed an interesting scenario; a grandmother, her daughter and the granddaughter, three stalls down from me. There was no one else there, so their voices carried clearly across the room. The grandmother was helping the child try clothes on while the mom went back and forth, bringing things for her to try on. Everytime the mom left, the grandma would say things like, “let’s hurry up so mom won’t get mad.” Or, “I’m so proud of you for trying so many things on.” And then promising to take her out for ice cream when they were done, which turned into a whole thing when mom heard about it.
This got me thinking about the role of grandparents in the lives of our children and their children. I say “their children” quite intentionally, rather than our grandchildren, because they are their kids first. If you are a grandparent or soon will be, let me share three things I have learned so far as the grandmother of a 12 year old and a 10 year old.
1. I had my turn
We have six kids. And although we had our challenges, they were a pleasure to raise! I loved being with them. I still do! And so, I had my turn to raise my kids and give them my best. Through bumps and bruises, I learned to get better, though I never did reach the perfection I wish I had. Unless there is some serious abuse where DCFS should get involved, we need to remember that we had our turn and now it’s theirs. They too, will learn.
2. I’m here to support, not replace.
When my son and daughter-in-law drop their girls off and say, “They can’t eat this or please don’t let them do such and such,” my response is, “Your kids, your rules.” I firmly believe that we grandparents are here to support them in their parenting, not insert our parenting style. If I have an opinion about something, I will tell the parents, not the kids. But for that to happen, I need to have a relationship with their parents.
3. Relationship, Relationship, Relationship.
I am blessed to have a great relationship with my son and daughter-in-law. They have been married for a very long time and I love my daughter-in-law as if she was my own. We have both worked hard to have a great relationship..
I am so grateful to have my granddaughters nearby and I love spending time with them. I don’t take that for granted and I appreciate having their parents’ trust as they have my respect.