(Last published Feb 14, 2023
There are a lot of concepts about love and a lot of forms of love. There’s romantic love, there’s fraternal love, there’s friendship love, there’s parental love, etc. But what is love and how do we love? I’m no expert, but here is ONE thing I’ve learned about loving others: I need to love myself first. That’s not my original thought, either. It comes from a verse in the Bible that says,
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ‘ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: `Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt. 22:36-38)
The implication there is that you already love yourself. It’s assumed. In my culture, it is common, especially for moms, to have a “sacrificial” love. One that gives everything and receives nothing. Sometimes it happens with spouses, as well. In that world, to love oneself is considered selfish. But actually, to give everything and never receive anything in return is not healthy. And it may be codependent. That’s not to say that we give in order to receive, but a healthy relationship does requiere self-care.We allow ourselves to grow, to have boundaries, to rest. We let others take care of us once in a while, we share responsibilities, and we work toward becoming the best version of ourselves. This best version is what we present to a relationship. And because we are working on growing, we desire that for those we love. So on this Valentine’s Day, let’s remember that the best thing we can do for those we love, is love ourselves. This way, we will have a better understanding of how to love them.