For the last two weeks I’ve been writing about how to solve family problems. The first week I shared the importance of identifying the problem and understanding that problems are a part of life. The second week I wrote about collaborating and finding the right people to collaborate with. Today we bring it all together with action. Once everyone has given their insight and suggestions, it’s time to come up with a solution everyone can agree on and delegate accordingly. I think it’s human nature to want to just jump over the first two steps, especially collaboration. It’s much easier to just decide on our own. But remember that a family by definition, involves more than one person. So it’s important to involve those other humans in the solution.
In the example I gave about being exhausted when my kids were little, after talking it over with Arturo and letting the kids know what we were thinking, we decided that once a week I would leave the house for a few hours after Arturo got home from work. I would make arrangements for dinner, either making something simple or ordering something and then as soon as Arturo walked in the door on Mondays, I would leave. Sometimes I read in the library until they closed, sometimes I went out with a girlfriend for coffee, a couple of times I even went to the movies by myself to watch something that wasn’t Disney! When I came home, I would feel energized and ready to meet the rest of the week with a joyful heart. Well, a rested one, anyway:)
Now imagine that we decided on the solution and then Arturo made appointments until 8pm and came home at 9:30? That would not have worked. So, after you’ve decided on a plan, the most important part is to carry it through. In any family problem, besides solving it together, everyone must do what they said they would do. If not, trust is broken and the next time the family comes together to solve a problem, there will be less hope that a particular person will do their part. Never say yes to something you don’t intend to do. And hold each other accountable to carry out what was agreed upon. Family problems vary from family to family, from season to season, from degree to degree. But for the most part, identifying the problem, collaborating to solve it and then taking action on what was agreed upon is a pretty solid recipe for success in solving a lot of our problems.