For most subjects, I strongly dislike extremes. Whether it be politics, religion, always and never thinking, to name a few. Extremes are usually dangerous and closed minded. I like balance. I like to be in the middle where I can see in all directions. I find that it helps me learn and be open to the possibility of being wrong.
However, when I was homeschooling our kids, I learned a very valuable lesson. There are times when extremes are necessary. You’re either all in or you get mediocre results. In the areas where we were all in, we flourished. And in the areas that we weren’t, we didn’t.
In their book, The One Thing, Gary Keller and Jay Pappasan write about this myth.
“Extraordinary results require focused attention and time. Time on one thing means time away from another. This makes balance impossible.”
`Keller, Gary; Papasan, Jay. The ONE Thing (p. 65). Bard Press. Kindle Edition.
Let’s take the classic family vs work. Instead of always feeling guilty for spending too much time in one versus another, it would be helpful to break down time into seasons. When the children are little, they require more time than when they are grown. Investing in their training and learning at an early age will lessen the time required when they are older. So perhaps for the time when they are younger, a parent can put some of the less important things on the shelf while they work on this season without completely getting rid of things that would energize them. Maybe you enjoy going out to the movies every week but now you will have to set up a date night once every other week or once a month. You’ll get back to it, just not now.
If fulfilling certain financial milestones is what is most important for a season, it is ok to let loved ones know that there is a time frame, for the next three months, for example, when you will not be as available, with the exception of being home to have dinner together. Such clarity manages expectation while releasing the person from guilt.
Balance is a myth. It would mean that everything matters equally at all times and that simply is not true. Whenever we say yes to one thing, we are saying no to something else. The more clarity we have about what we want, the easier it will be to choose which way the scale will tip. Otherwise, left to chance, it will tip in the direction the wind takes it. And then, no one wins.