My kids often make fun of the fact that they grew up with me asking them, “Where is your locus of control?” I taught them early that there is an internal locus of control and an external locus of control. An external locus of control is the belief that outside forces largely determine the events and outcomes in your life, while an internal locus of control is the belief that your actions, choices, and efforts can influence those outcomes.
Of course, life is more complicated than that. We don’t control everything that happens to us. Circumstances, other people’s choices, injustice, loss, and limitations are real. Some people experience things they did not choose and could not have prevented.
But here is the problem with only having external locus of control. Every time we completely surrender our responsibility, we give away a little of our freedom.
Take passivity in a relationship. If you never express an opinion, eventually people may stop asking. If you consistently choose not to participate, you may eventually have less of a voice in the decisions being made. Avoiding responsibility can feel easier in the moment, but over time, it can leave someone else making choices that affect your life.
What about work? Maybe you don’t like your environment. You may not be responsible for your boss, your coworkers, or the decisions they make. But you can ask, “What is within my control?” Can you change how you respond? Have a conversation? Develop a new skill? Look for another opportunity? And yes, sometimes circumstances make those choices difficult or even temporarily impossible.
This isn’t about blaming people for what happens to them. Taking responsibility is not the same as taking blame.
It is about recognizing where our choices still exist, even when our choices are limited.
Sometimes freedom doesn’t mean having unlimited options. Sometimes it means identifying the one choice that is still yours and having the courage to make it.
Because when we stop asking, “Whose fault is this?” and start asking, “What is mine to do?”, we begin to reclaim our freedom.