Last week I began sharing what 40 years of marriage has looked like for us, one decade at a time. Today, we move into years 11–20.
If I had to describe this stage in one word, it would be BUSY.
These are the years when life feels full in every direction. Expenses peak. Activities multiply. For many couples, children are now teenagers with schedules packed with sports, music, performances, and events — all meaningful and all costly. Parents begin thinking seriously about college. Work demands increase because you’re trying to provide financially while still being present at home.
If you’re a stay-at-home mom, it can feel like every problem lands at your feet and needs immediate attention.
During these years, one-on-one time with Arturo was rare. We were constantly handing off responsibilities:
“You take this one to practice and I’ll take that one to music.”
“You stay with the others and I’ll take him to basketball.”
When there was a game, presentation, or performance, we all showed up. Dinner often meant a quick bite before rushing out the door. Add our deep involvement volunteering at church, and you have two very tired adults trying to do their best.
This stage brings enormous pressure.
There’s internal pressure to be the perfect parent and spouse. External pressure to meet expectations at work, home, and in relationships. We argue because we don’t agree on how to guide our children. We feel unappreciated because it seems no one works harder than we do. Sometimes we are too hard on our kids when, in truth, we are afraid for them and their future.
If you are in this stage — whether you have kids or not — give yourself grace.
Be kind to yourself.
Give your spouse grace too.
You both want the same things: a happy life, a strong future, and wise decisions. You just have different ways of getting there.
Believe the best about each other. Make a plan together. Before you know it, you’ll be stepping into the next stage, and this season will be a memory.
So make it a good one.