When we were raising our six kids, I did a lot of reading regarding parenting. Like most parents, I was desperate to get it right. While there were some things that worked, some things that didn’t and some things I would definitely not do now, one of my favorites was helping them use language that gave them the freedom to express their opinion rather than stating something as a fact. For example, saying, “I don’t like that movie,” instead of “that movie is awful.” Or, “I don’t like pasta,” instead of “Pasta’s the worst.” It may sound minor, but it is actually significant to the person listening who did like the movie or who does love pasta. Giving an opinion as a fact can create isolation for the person who doesn’t agree with the statement as well as give the speaker a sense of self-righteousness: I don’t like pasta, therefore pasta is not good.
Now as our kids are adults, I get to see that once in a while. In fact, I heard my son tell his daughter the other day. “You mean you don’t like it.” when she said something wasn’t good.
Of course facts exist. But in a world where every opinion is given as a matter of fact, or where people speak as though they are experts, it’s important to help our kids remember that an opinion, whether their own or someone else’s, is just that. Therefore, others are also free to express their opinion, which may not align with ours. What a great opportunity to learn from each other! What a great opportunity to grow. And what a great tool to have to remember that their opinion is just as valid as someone else’s no matter how fervently the other person just stated theirs.